i get home at night
and get my kid to bed
wanna call him up
just to hear his voice again
so i cut myself instead
it's hard
so goddamn hard
trying to get it all done
i use a knife
sweet shiny knife
because i don't have a gun
the office woman hate me
talk shit they don't know
i do their work for them
and smile when i'm done
the bills are piling up
in fact they are choking me
i don't want my baby to go
i don't do it for the blood
but the pain to flow
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Word Thief
I'm sorry Annie. When I clicked on your link I was mad to see my words there. Very mad. Then I realized you wrote them first, and I erased them. Again, my deepest apologies.
*this sincere apology was not copied from any one's blog, but check all links and sidebars just encase it was so good it stuck in my fuddled head head
**not once but twice did I use Annie's stuff- arrgh I'm never reading anything again
*this sincere apology was not copied from any one's blog, but check all links and sidebars just encase it was so good it stuck in my fuddled head head
**not once but twice did I use Annie's stuff- arrgh I'm never reading anything again
Monday, May 28, 2007
Helping Out Kerry
The woman made a dash across the bumpy unpaved parking lot in the down pour and ducked her head to avoid the large dripping basket of bright red double inpatients hanging from the porch. She smoothed the stray hairs that had jiggled loose from french knot she had earlier fussed with back into their rightful place and peered through the large cedar shuttered windows into the brightly light dinning room within. The tables inside filled with couples or family's all looked happy, warm and dry. Waitresses were trying to make busy work of delivering the few platters of thick sizzling steaks and frosted cocktails, or baskets of burgers with cokes. It was not yet the dinner rush hour, so the atmosphere inside was of jovial anticipation. She was in no hurry to enter the restaurant, wanting the first impression she made when she opened the door to be that of a confident professional. A young, sexy, confident professional. The exact opposite of what she was feeling on the inside. She saw the manager entered from the back kitchen and make a quick survey of the room with his eyes. The lady hastily stepped back farther into the night shadow. Anyone looking out into the night would not have been able to see her soggy wet shape , but she was scared. She did not want to be there.
Kerry stood a couple seconds longer, before stopping a passing server and starting a conversation. It was obvious the aproned young girl was not interested in talking and had wanted to go about her duties or chat with the other waitresses. The woman squinted in, wanting to see him better, wishing she had not been so vain as to leave her glasses at home. He had put on a little weight around the jaw line and perhaps his middle too, but she had never seen Kerry in a tie before, so she hoped it was just an illusion. In her memories, Kerry wore his usual white apron over his Hardrock t-shirt and jeans. Not that she thought of him often in the years that passed. The woman smiled a little to herself, he was waiting for her and wanting to make a good impression, she decided, as she saw him straightening a stack of menus and checking his watch. She did not want or need this job at all, but her son did. Her son was the reason she was there.
She had worked with Kerry years ago right after the boy was born, while she was still in school. Back shortly after their boss had walked in early and caught Kerry snorting lines of cocaine off the office desk and Kerry had turned himself around. Then a girl, she would bring the baby in with her to that other restaurant on the lake before her waitress's shift. Her baby on hip, she would set all the tables for the night, before her boyfriend picked the infant up on his way home from work. She would sit at one of the tables every night getting ready, folding fold napkins and Kerry would write out the nightly specials and play peek a boo with her kid. Kerry had liked her boy then, back before any of his developmental delays where apparent, or perhaps Kerry had just liked her enough it didn't matter to him. Or maybe because Karry was just that nice. After work, the two of them would sit and listen to the nights band, Kerry drinking only a diet soda, and the girl a tomato juice. And when any of the local guys would come over and try to hit on her, Kerry would chase them off, because he had wanted her for himself. She was lonely then for company, she had nether encouraged him or discouraged his attention. The baby, cooed with delight when Kerry was around.
She had seen the ad in the paper advertising for a cook in his restaurant. The woman did not want the job. It was below her now to read tickets and fry burgers, but it would get her back into his kitchen. Her old friend was surprised when she phone him and asked for a part time job. Kerry knew she was a hard worker, even though her waiting table days long over, he was glad to have her help out. Kerry just did not yet know she had planned on teaching her son to do the job instead.
A couple walked around her and pushed open the front door. She saw Kerry turn towards the rush of cold wet air with an expecting look on his face that fell once he realized the were only strangers. Inhaling a deep breath she straightened her back , sucked in her gut, before walking over to the large wooden door and placed her hand on the knob. Then she turned on her heel and ran back into the raining night.
Kerry stood a couple seconds longer, before stopping a passing server and starting a conversation. It was obvious the aproned young girl was not interested in talking and had wanted to go about her duties or chat with the other waitresses. The woman squinted in, wanting to see him better, wishing she had not been so vain as to leave her glasses at home. He had put on a little weight around the jaw line and perhaps his middle too, but she had never seen Kerry in a tie before, so she hoped it was just an illusion. In her memories, Kerry wore his usual white apron over his Hardrock t-shirt and jeans. Not that she thought of him often in the years that passed. The woman smiled a little to herself, he was waiting for her and wanting to make a good impression, she decided, as she saw him straightening a stack of menus and checking his watch. She did not want or need this job at all, but her son did. Her son was the reason she was there.
She had worked with Kerry years ago right after the boy was born, while she was still in school. Back shortly after their boss had walked in early and caught Kerry snorting lines of cocaine off the office desk and Kerry had turned himself around. Then a girl, she would bring the baby in with her to that other restaurant on the lake before her waitress's shift. Her baby on hip, she would set all the tables for the night, before her boyfriend picked the infant up on his way home from work. She would sit at one of the tables every night getting ready, folding fold napkins and Kerry would write out the nightly specials and play peek a boo with her kid. Kerry had liked her boy then, back before any of his developmental delays where apparent, or perhaps Kerry had just liked her enough it didn't matter to him. Or maybe because Karry was just that nice. After work, the two of them would sit and listen to the nights band, Kerry drinking only a diet soda, and the girl a tomato juice. And when any of the local guys would come over and try to hit on her, Kerry would chase them off, because he had wanted her for himself. She was lonely then for company, she had nether encouraged him or discouraged his attention. The baby, cooed with delight when Kerry was around.
She had seen the ad in the paper advertising for a cook in his restaurant. The woman did not want the job. It was below her now to read tickets and fry burgers, but it would get her back into his kitchen. Her old friend was surprised when she phone him and asked for a part time job. Kerry knew she was a hard worker, even though her waiting table days long over, he was glad to have her help out. Kerry just did not yet know she had planned on teaching her son to do the job instead.
A couple walked around her and pushed open the front door. She saw Kerry turn towards the rush of cold wet air with an expecting look on his face that fell once he realized the were only strangers. Inhaling a deep breath she straightened her back , sucked in her gut, before walking over to the large wooden door and placed her hand on the knob. Then she turned on her heel and ran back into the raining night.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Working Dogs
On my day off I should be able to sit in the recliner wearing my grubby jammies and watching mindless TV until mid afternoon, I mean it is my house. But Willy and Marco were staring at me. There they were, right out side my patio windows, looking in longingly all bug eyed and limp tongued, filling my precious time alone with guilt. It was not me, the two of them wanted however, but I would do.
I walked over to the door and opened it. "Come on boys, get in here." In danced the pair happy for my company. Willy and Marco are the neighbors little mutts, and when their "boys" head off for school, they go in search of replacement boys.
Their idea of a good time didn't involve cable.
I didn't feel like frisking around the yard right then so I took them into the kitchen for a snacky snack.
When I opened the fridge door, out toppled the open can of cranberry's left over from Thanksgiving and hit Willy smack on his little terrier head.
"YIP", exclaimed Willy in surprised pain.
"Yip", agreed Marco with Willy being the alpha canine and all.
"Shit." I said. "Now I have to clean this rotter out."
Now I have a very detailed and organized method to clean out the fridge that consists of three categories.
THINGS THE DOGS CAN EAT
THINGS THAT CAN EAT THE DOGS
SAVABLES
We were making good progress on this undertaking, after I made sure Marco licked all the blood colored cranberries off Willy's head, until I knocked over what I think was a large container of chili off one of the upper shelves to splatter over the bottom of my fridge.
I stood there a while angerly cursing the mess I had created while the dogs sat and looked up at me with their heads tilted sideways and their ears perked up expectantly.
"Boys. You got me into this. If you can clean each other, you can clean my fridge."
I'll let them out soon.
I walked over to the door and opened it. "Come on boys, get in here." In danced the pair happy for my company. Willy and Marco are the neighbors little mutts, and when their "boys" head off for school, they go in search of replacement boys.
Their idea of a good time didn't involve cable.
I didn't feel like frisking around the yard right then so I took them into the kitchen for a snacky snack.
When I opened the fridge door, out toppled the open can of cranberry's left over from Thanksgiving and hit Willy smack on his little terrier head.
"YIP", exclaimed Willy in surprised pain.
"Yip", agreed Marco with Willy being the alpha canine and all.
"Shit." I said. "Now I have to clean this rotter out."
Now I have a very detailed and organized method to clean out the fridge that consists of three categories.
THINGS THE DOGS CAN EAT
THINGS THAT CAN EAT THE DOGS
SAVABLES
We were making good progress on this undertaking, after I made sure Marco licked all the blood colored cranberries off Willy's head, until I knocked over what I think was a large container of chili off one of the upper shelves to splatter over the bottom of my fridge.
I stood there a while angerly cursing the mess I had created while the dogs sat and looked up at me with their heads tilted sideways and their ears perked up expectantly.
"Boys. You got me into this. If you can clean each other, you can clean my fridge."
I'll let them out soon.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Mother is a Tingle
Do you feel that? Oh yeah I do. My spidey senses are all a tingle. In T-minus two hours forty five minutes I load the SUV with pre ads and ado's and head to the Spiderman Three movie. In has been quite a long time since I have been out after dark. I am unsure what to do with myself. I'm sure it will all come back to me and I'll behave appropriately and all but what if I revert back to my party mode? Close all borders and hide the whiskey and firearms, I'm stepping out.
Oh wait, I'm taking a car load of kids.
Which one of you will hide Mama's bail money?
Oh wait, I'm taking a car load of kids.
Which one of you will hide Mama's bail money?
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